The show’s cold open spoofed a holiday message from Dr. Anthony Fauci, played by Kate Mckinnon.
The fictional Fauci introduced a sad family gathering of unemployed brothers: Chris and Andrew Cuomo, played by Andrew Dismukes and Pete Davidson.
“Hello I am disgraced former Gov. Andrew Cuomo,” Davidson boomed.
“I’m disgraced former CNN anchor Chris Cuomo,” Dismukes announced.
“And we both lost our jobs because of COVID,” the brothers said.
Mckinnon, as Fauci, also enlisted “CDC actors” to enact situations that Americans might face amid the COVID-19 omicron variant’s spread.
“The most important thing is to get vaccinated. And if you’re vaccinated get boosted. And if you’re boosted, maybe you want a little top off, maybe a little splash,” she deadpanned.
Heidi Garner portrayed a restaurant hostess asking Mikey Day to produce his vaccination card.
“You mean you lost the one-inch piece of paper they gave you?,” she sneered. “Then you are banished from society. Have fun living in the woods.”
Aidy Bryant, meanwhile, lampooned Sen. Ted Cruz describing how he got his revenge on the late Sen. Bob Dole, for calling him unlikable.
“This week I was the one not wearing the mask at Bob Dole’s funeral … imagine him looking down at his own funeral and the only face you can see is mine,” Bryant gloated.
Eilish, 19 came out for her monologue wearing a lacy white dress with red trim.
“If you don’t know me for my music you might know me for my hair and my clothes. That’s why I dressed like Mrs. Clause going to the club.”
Of her penchant for wearing oversized clothes when she was younger, she quipped: “I was actually two kids stacked on top of each other trying to sneak into an “R” rated movie.”
She then pulled up a picture of an acne-ridden bespectacled 16-year-old Colin Jost to point out that it was unfair to judge people based on how they looked at that age.
“On Thursday, a Chicago jury declared Jussie Smollett really bad at acting,” Jost said. “It’s the worst staged hate crime since my all Christian production of ‘Fiddler on the Roof.’”
“The CDC believes the omicron variant was first appearing during a recent anime convention in New York. Damn. The one time they leave the house, Michael Che cracked.
The fake anchor also parodied the latest allegations against Chris Cuomo.
“After CNN fired Chris Cuomo it was revealed that he was accused of sexual misconduct just like his older brother. Well, those two are quite a pair, Cuomo said to a female co-worker,” Che joked.
A skit lampooning the perfect-looking Christmas cards of a suburban couple’s acquaintances featured Miley Cyrus.
“What better way to remind you that I met a celebrity at a restaurant 11 months ago than putting it on my Christmas card?,” Punkie Johnson said, adding that she only got the pop star to pose for the pic by accusing her of being racist if she didn’t.
Another sketch about a distracted teen’s TikTok feed featured a mismatch of videos about noodle eating, ridiculous conspiracy theories, bad acoustic covers of Flo Rida and Lil Wayne, claymation Homer Simpsons and hospital room twerking.
Eilish played a teen who invited a lonely neighbor (Mckinnon) over for Christmas dinner, only to discover through a series of handwritten messages that the woman is a bigoted schizophrenic killer.
The teenage singer-songwriter was introduced by her parents as she took the stage to give dynamic performances of the title track of her new record “Happier Than Ever,” and album closer “Male Fantasy.”
Eilish also portrayed a festive lounge singer who fronted a group of female singers who all had bad awkward experiences with Santa, played by Kennan Thompson.
“SNL” returns live next week from 30 Rock’s Studio 8H with host Paul Rudd and musical guest Charli XCX.